Is Your Soothing Intense Enough to Match Your Stress Levels as a Highly Sensitive Person?
Last year was one of the biggest rollercoasters of my life, with some high highs like finishing my book and some low lows like needing to suddenly relocate and find a new office. In any single day I was feeling everything from pride and gratitude to anger and grief. All the extra commotion and change really wrecked my nervous system and spiked my anxiety.
I knew it was bad when I would catastrophize about relatively straight-forward experiences like meeting the technician to get the internet installed at my new office or worrying endlessly about getting an email back from my editor. There seemed to be two parts of me fighting for attention - the rational part that knew I was just dealing with the normal ebbs and flows of change and the anxious part that worried the world was ending. In true overstimulated fashion, my mind was crafting all sorts of worst-case scenarios that never saw the light of day!
Transitions are More Stressful for HSPs
Because I grew up in an unpredictable environment where I often felt helpless to the changes that were happening, any type of life transition is more stressful for me than it would be otherwise. My highly sensitive brain brings up those past experiences to the surface to make sure I don’t make any of the same mistakes again. While that’s helpful to remind me that I’m in control now and have options, on the other hand it brings up old emotions to sift through. And who has time for that during a move?!
Not very convenient, but it does help me realize that I’m not helpless and the level of anxiety I’m experiencing is a byproduct of overstimulation and not fear-based. There’s nothing I need to be on alert about, just focusing on calming myself enough until life settles down and I acclimate to my new rhythm.
As a therapist and mindfulness nerd, I love to incorporate somatic practices into my daily routine - sometimes for stress relief and sometimes just for fun! Because I’m using these tools regularly and they are familiar, they are usually very effective. I can usually feel some type of relief in seconds. Over the past few months, I noticed my usual tools weren’t working as quickly or not at all because my overstimulation and stress levels were too high. What to do then?
Three Approaches to Manage Stressful Changes
Naturally I thought more stress requires using the tools in a different way. It’s not just about whether or not you use a mindfulness or soothing practice when you’re stressed, anxious, or overstimulated, it’s how you use it. Here are three changes that got my tools working again:
(1) Practice For Longer
If you normally go on a 15 minute walk after work to clear your head, increase the amount of movement to 30-45 minutes.
If you typically do a breathing exercise for three rounds, try 5-7 repetitions instead.
If you relax with a guided meditation, choose a longer practice or listen to two meditations.
(2) Combine Calming Practices
Do a vagus nerve exercise while taking a warm bath.
Take a walk in the woods near your house and stop on the trail to do a humming exercise while surrounded by the peacefulness of nature.
Watch a soothing ASMR or nature video while tucked under a weighted blanket.
(3) Take Your Practice to the Next Level
Instead of a long shower, take a bath with calming epsom or sea salts.
Instead of taking deep breaths, try a few rounds of a physiological sigh.
Instead of doing manual vagus nerve stimulation like the exercise above, you could use a vagus nerve device like this one or this one.
Stress is inevitable and as a highly sensitive person, you will be more impacted by moments of uncertainty and change. That is something you can count on, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You aren’t weak or incapable of getting through the hard times, you just need to increase the amount and intensity of self-care you’re practicing. Match your soothing to your stress levels and you’ll make it through.
