Gaining Quiet Convenience, Losing Connection: Is It Worth It?
Have you noticed yourself feeling more lonely, disconnected, or unsettled lately, even if you have strong relationships in your life? There have been a few recent moments that brought these feelings to the surface for me.
One recent experience was calling my internet service provider to troubleshoot a connection issue with my new modem. Of course, I started off interacting with the AI chatbot on the website thinking that would be less energetically taxing than a phone call. I was definitely wrong! After several rounds of spinning in circles with canned replies and generic responses that didn’t even come close to solving my problem, I was frustrated and resigned myself to calling the 800 number to speak to a customer service person.
At first the phone call didn’t feel any different, as I dealt with the automated operator who didn’t have a number to press for my exact issue. After nearly screaming “operator” into the phone, I finally connected with a real human! I felt relieved.
While we waited for my modem to reboot to see if the troubleshooting worked, we had a lovely chat about family dynamics and the state of the world (an appropriate topic for the approaching holiday season!). Despite my initial fears, it wasn’t draining at all, but a touching moment of connection with a stranger amidst an otherwise boring and annoying situation. I actually chuckled to myself, because of course I would have a deep conversation with a stranger when trying to get my internet fixed! Such an HSP/therapist moment.
As parts of our daily lives are rapidly being automated (self-checkouts at the grocery store, self-ordering kiosks at restaurants, self-driving cars in major cities), something really important is being lost. For the observant and emotional highly sensitive person, so much meaning has faded as we strip away these micromoments of human connection, in the seemingly innocuous or mundane moments of everyday life.
Is It Better to Skip the Small Talk?
The tricky part is, you probably are also somewhat relieved at times not to have to make small talk with a stranger as you’re buying groceries after work or grabbing your coffee in the morning. I often am too, but I also deeply miss getting to know the waiter at my favorite restaurant or the cashier at my local market.
Having used to be that cashier before becoming a therapist, I built meaningful connections with customers as I saw them week after week. Just like hearing stories of my clients in the therapy space, I learned about their favorite foods, dietary restrictions, and health struggles. I knew when they had family visiting, learned about their holiday traditions, and knew when they were celebrating special occasions. You can pick up a lot in a few minutes and those minutes add up over the years.
Familiar Connection is Comforting
While these relationships aren’t as essential as your beloved family and friends, they create important touch points throughout your week. Not only are you building connection, you’re also creating a more relaxed nervous system. Instead of dealing with a machine or a random person, you’re met with a familiar face or at least an easier process. There’s someone to help you navigate the menu, pack your groceries, or get you to your destination. Familiarity, routine, and connection creates safety and comfort as you navigate on your own out in the world.
For an HSP who is more impacted by the unfamiliar and more easily stressed, needing mental and emotional energy to process each new little detail of the people and sights around you, familiar human connection can be comforting to your nervous system. It’s also less to process!
Create More Bandwidth for Connection
What is the solution, you might be wondering? While you can’t change the whole world, you can change your little slice of the world. Create opportunities for meaningful connection, familiar routines, and micromoments of community building wherever you can, within your bandwidth. Some ideas to get you started:
Skip the self-checkout and chat with your cashier sometimes
Say “hello” to your librarian as you enter the library
Make eye contact and smile at a neighbor on your evening walk
Take a local art or movement class that sounds interesting
Write a letter to an old friend instead of texting
Organize an introvert-friendly crafting circle, reading club, or game night
What would help you feel more sustainably connected? While the constant hum of social media, texts, and emails has made it seem that way, connection doesn’t have to be draining and all encompassing. When you spend less time on screens, you’ll notice you actually have more energy for in-person connections, whether that’s with your closest friends or the people you meet during your daily travels.
