The Perks of Being a Late Bloomer
Even though it’s been over 25 years, I can still vividly remember the day I was sitting on the bed in my childhood bedroom, college applications laid out in front of me. I hadn’t even finished high school, yet here I was being asked to choose a major, a career path. How could I possibly know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at age 17? Turns out, I couldn’t.
After agonizing over this decision, I landed on a plant biology and soil science major, you might be surprised to learn, all the while circling all the psychology classes every time the course catalog came out each semester, but being too scared to switch my major. What would I even do with a degree in psychology? Although all the classes seemed compelling, I had no idea what jobs were possible and coming from a working class family with parents that barely finished high school, I told myself I had to be practical.
Trust Your Inner Calling
This was about seven years before I would sit in my first therapist’s office, long before I realized it was better to trust your intuition than do what you’re “supposed” to do. Long before I knew that I wanted to be a therapist. I never did work in my field of study, not even an internship, not one day. Probably obvious to you, but working in a lab studying soil samples was not what I really wanted to do, although I couldn’t admit that to myself at the time. I learned that the “practical choice” is not practical at all if it’s meaningless. I learned that the rushed choice is not the best.
After college, I kept working at the natural foods store where I was already employed because I felt more passionate about that work than the degree I just spent 4 years completing, eventually becoming the manager there and discovering just how much I loved mentoring and supporting people. Instead of deciding on a career, I went on yoga retreats, did a lot of my own therapy, eventually moved to San Francisco, and finally took the leap to apply to graduate school to study, you guessed it, psychology, almost 10 years after I graduated college.
Better Later Than Sooner
I ended up taking the long road to where I already was heading because I didn’t stop long enough to look at the directions. The high-achieving perfectionist in me felt ashamed at times for not having a career until later in life, for being such a late bloomer, especially as I was told I was wasting my potential, being too indecisive and picky, and floating through life. But you know what? It was the best decision I ever made because I had time to have life experiences, do some much needed trauma healing work, and get clarity on my needs, all which make me a better therapist now.
Despite my worry about what others think, being a late bloomer has been a huge gift, not just in finding meaningful work at just the right time, but also in my relationships and personal growth. Society puts all this pressure to reach ALL your major life milestones in a very short span of time - graduation, marriage, buying a home, having children. Why the rush? Research from a 2015 Harvard study found that executive functioning, empathy, and communication skills peak in your 30s and beyond. Imagine what you could do with these skills if you started a long-term relationship, career, or pursuit later in life?
Pushing Past the Shoulds as an HSP
Looking back on my 17-year old self, I now understand why she felt so conflicted about that decision while her peers were more carefree about choosing and switching majors. She is a highly sensitive person. She wanted to do what she was supposed to do and instead of following her need for more time, she rushed a major life decision. If I knew then what I know now about myself, I would have given myself permission to slow down to go undeclared for a year and allow my love of psychology to blossom.
Being highly sensitive means being wired with what British psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Gray calls the “behavioral inhibition system” where your brain pauses to contemplate your decisions at length. When HSPs don’t have time to process a decision, they feel rushed and often hastily make a decision that doesn’t feel right just to satisfy expectations of others. One of the perks of having the highly sensitive trait is making really well-thought out decisions. You’ll certainly take longer, but you’ll take time to consider all the details and past experiences, making the best decision possible and rarely making mistakes or at least not making the same mistake twice. That’s a gift worth waiting for!
In my new book, Big Feelings, Big Joy, you’ll learn to accept all the ways you move more slowly throughout your life - procrastinating on everyday tasks, getting stuck in perfectionism, taking longer to make important decisions, and reaching milestones later. Instead of finding ways to speed up which goes against an HSP’s natural rhythm, you’ll learn to embrace being more intentional and understanding that your natural tendency to pause and reflect is an asset.
