Slow Adjustments and Making the Unfamiliar Comfortable
Have you ever felt uncomfortable in a seemingly comfortable space because it was new and unfamiliar? Perhaps going out to lunch with a good friend but in a place you’ve never been. Or seeing a different doctor at the same practice because yours is out of town the week you come down with a terrible flu. Or driving home along an alternate route during a terrible traffic jam.
You were able to manage all these situations and probably showed no noticeable discomfort on the outside, but felt a little “off” on the inside and more aware of your surroundings than you typically are.
This happened to me recently after moving from my home office to an external office space. On the outside, everything seemed great. My new work space was a short drive down a beautiful tree-lined street and in a relatively quiet building. I was able to bring along everything from my home office, replicating the same look and layout. My beloved bookcases, cozy desk chair, yoga supplies, basket of sensory toys, and tea station were all there.
Even though I recreated a familiar setup, I felt emotionally uncomfortable. My office looked relatively similar, but it just felt very different. For the first few weeks, I would quickly wrap up my day and rush back to the comfort of home. This was drastically different from my pre-pandemic office where I would linger and slowly wrap up the day before commuting home. I wasn’t feeling that same feeling of ease - yet.
More Time to Adjust to Changes
This didn’t surprise me, I suppose, because ever since I was a child I needed more time to adjust to changes - new school years, new shoes, new friends, new foods. Unlike my more adventurous or spontaneous friends and siblings, I needed time to settle in. Over forty years later and I’m still the same way, just with more awareness of my highly sensitive nervous system and a more robust toolbox.
The moment that began the shift toward familiarity was getting away from my desk and experiencing other parts of my office. At my desk, I was keeping myself stuck in an upright, alert posture that was safe enough but keeping me from inhabiting the space fully. Stretching out into other areas of the office signaled to my nervous system that this is a place I can relax in.
The first step toward familiarity was just sitting on the floor with my back supported by the wall. From this vantage point, I could visually take in more of the space while feeling propped up. After that experience, I made a secondary seating area with cushions and a heating pad. For the next week, I sat in this spot with a mug of warm water between clients to recharge and eventually started having my lunch break there as well.
Soothing the Overstimulation of Something New
To feel even more cozy and soothe my overstimulated senses, I hung up an earth-toned curtain on my door so I wasn’t distracted by people walking by, strands of lights to create soft lighting, and added a soothing white noise machine to mask unfamiliar sounds from the street and neighbors.
As I slowly built more comfort in this new space, I even started arriving early to do my morning journaling, enjoy a quick yoga practice, or catch up on emails. Spending more time there helped me create a deeper relationship with this office and a stronger association of emotional safety. Of course, time passing would have had a similar effect but in my experience, bringing intentionality to this transition shaved at least three months off my adjustment period.
3 Ways to Ease Transitions
If you’re going through your own transition to a new social, work, or home environment, these practices may help:
Lessen the Unknowns
Ask yourself, what can I do to create familiarity and decrease unknowns? For example, if you’re eating at a new restaurant with friends, research it ahead of time. Look at photos and reviews online to get a sense of the layout, parking options, dress code, and the menu. If you’re feeling particularly nervous going to a new restaurant, such as when going on a first date or meeting colleagues for an important work meeting, you might even drive there beforehand to acclimate yourself to the area and build up some muscle memory. At the very least, get there early to give yourself extra time to figure out the new environment and have transition time between traveling and socializing.
Create Sensory Adjustments
While you may not have control over the new environment that you need to spend time in, you can make other adjustments to feel more comfortable. For instance, when you’re going on a first date or starting a new job, you can tone down your overall overstimulation starting with the clothes you wear. Choose items that are comfortable without scratchy fabrics, a tight fitting waistline, or something you have to fuss with. Don’t choose clothing that you’re wearing for the first time.
Validate the Struggles
Instead of criticizing yourself for needing more time to adjust to new places or people, remind yourself that it’s normal to transition more slowly as a highly sensitive person. You can say something like, “I feel worried about taking longer than others to adjust. And I know I’ll get there on my own timeline.” When you notice every little detail around you, you have more information to sort through as you settle into something new. By taking time to digest all this information now, you’ll be able to make quicker decisions and go on autopilot later.
These are just three approaches to get you started. What else do you need to feel more comfortable when you’re adjusting to a new environment or starting something new?
