Stuck in Chaos? Routines Can Help Break the Cycle of Overwhelm
I was recently sauntering through my now spacious 2-hour morning routine, remembering the years I lived in what now feels like chaos! This may seem hyperbolic, but if you check with my nervous system, it would agree. Unlike now where I give myself time to slowly open my eyes and acclimate to the day before getting up, I used to hit the ground running. You would find me bolting out of bed like the start of a race. It’s not that I was filled with energy or excited about the day, it was because I would wait until the last possible second until leaving the cozy sanctuary of my bed.
After giving my nervous system an unwanted jolt, I would rush to get ready and scarf down some food. Not that I registered it at the time, but this would put my mind into a buzzy state and fill my body with anxiety. Even when I was standing still, it felt like I was running. Not that I was actually in danger, but I was filling up my body with adrenaline, cortisol, and other stress hormones in my frenzied state.
Stuck in Stress
Unless you have 15-20 minutes to decompress and return your nervous system to a place of equilibrium after this type of internal mini marathon, you’re stuck in stress all day. According to the Mayo Clinic, long-term stress and exposure to stress hormones impacts every system in your body from digestion to memory. In addition to the physical impact, you’ll also feel irritable, anxious, distracted, or spacey. When I would be stuck in this state for too long, I would lose my words, fumbling for what to say. This makes sense considering the prefrontal cortex (the front part of your brain that deals with high level thinking and decision making) shuts down when under stress.
At the time, I didn’t know I was highly sensitive or realize the cycle I was getting stuck in: stressed by day, staying up late to decompress and process at night, waking up tired and feeling stuck in bed, then doing it all over again. Not only was I stressed, but felt the constant decision fatigue and overwhelm of needing to figure out every day from scratch.
Fatigue of Decision Making
When there is no structure to your week, even basic decisions that you make on a daily basis (when to get up, what to wear, what to eat) will feel exhausting. That’s not even counting more complicated decisions that take more mental energy. Everything from when to do laundry to what day to finish work deadlines to dealing with major life choices such as health decisions or retirement planning.
When you lay out all the decisions you need to make, it’s overwhelming! A highly sensitive brain uses more energy and time to make every decision - first assessing at length and then deciding - because of a feature called the “behavioral inhibition system” which was coined by research psychologist Jeffrey Alan Gray and outlined in the Highly Sensitive Brain by Esther Bergsma.
This feature ensures that you “do it once, do it right” as Dr. Elaine Aron would say. This impulse to thoroughly process a decision is strongest in new situations when there are more variables to consider, but less prominent in familiar situations because you’ve already figured out the who, what, when, where, how of it all.
Having a routine that will support you in making fewer decisions is the antidote to decision fatigue and overwhelm for highly sensitive people. What could you do with all that mental energy you’ll free up by not deciding when to wake up, what to eat for breakfast, when to do laundry, or what day you’re free to spend with friends? Predictability is soothing for a sensitive nervous system because there are fewer unknowns to figure out and less to anticipate.
Balancing Routine and Flexibility
If you’re feeling resistant to the idea of a routine, as I used to, because of a fear of feeling trapped or stifled, I want you to know that creating a system is not about having everything dialed in and always doing every day the same. You want just enough routine so that you have a sense of stability and familiarity most of the time.
You also want a little spontaneity sprinkled in to feel adequately engaged without reaching that place of overwhelm. For some, that will be changing it up once a month or every few months. For other HSPs, especially those that are high sensation seeking, you’ll want to give yourself daily flexibility to feel stimulated with enough novel experiences.
Your routine can be super detailed (doing laundry every week on Saturdays at 9am) or loose (doing laundry when I feel like it on the weekends). The goal is to create less worry, not be rigid.
Instead of worrying all week when you’ll get the laundry done, you know there’s time for that on the weekend and don’t have to worry about it until then. That instantly puts your mind at ease and you can use that mental energy for something else more important in the moment like completing your work project or spending quality time with your kids.
Creating Space for Meaningful Self-Care
Routines aren’t just about reducing decision fatigue and knowing when you’ll get your to-do list done, it’s also about having space carved out for what nourishes and fulfills you as a highly sensitive person. For me, journaling and yoga are essential practices of meaningful self-care - anything that deeply nourishes, restores, inspires, or lights you up. It’s different for everyone.
When I’m in my yoga practice, I’m deeply present to my emotions and connecting to something beyond myself, it’s a spiritual practice for me. Then I use journaling to articulate my experiences, it’s a quiet space to be with my innermost thoughts and feelings. For some HSPs, playing video games will create that sense of aliveness and fulfillment while other HSPs love going on a long hike through the woods with their dog. Others will enjoy something tactile or creative like woodworking, cooking, crafting, or playing piano. And even others will want something playful like attending an improv class or going to ecstatic dance.
The hardest part of incorporating more routine into your life is probably knowing where to start. Ironically, attempting to feel less overwhelmed and make fewer decisions can create more overwhelm and decision fatigue if you change too much at once! Start slow and give yourself time to ease in. First, trying to put a basic, everyday task on autopilot is most accessible and impactful.
According to researchers Katherine Arlinghaus and Craig Johnston creating a new routine is most effective when beginning one or two changes at a time.For instance, go to bed at 10pm on weekdays, eat the same thing for breakfast this week, or choose a laundry day. Once you feel settled into this new habit, giving yourself time to make tweaks along the way, add on another layer to your routine. Where do you want to start?
In my new book, Big Feelings, Big Joy, you’ll learn to fully create a spacious HSP-friendly life that supports your highly sensitive needs without sacrificing heartfelt connections and fulfilling work.
Find more information about the book and preorder your copy here (special bonuses included!).
