Why Highly Sensitive People Can Be Calm Under Pressure Too!
About 20 years ago, before I knew I was highly sensitive, I was traveling internationally for a month, devoting time to explore my spiritual practice and reset after a period of burnout. After spending two weeks in a serene, beautiful retreat center, getting up at 5am to meditate, practice yoga, and help with chores, I felt so balanced. This was at a time when I struggled to get to work at 9am because I needed hours to decompress the night before and yet here I was happily waking up before the sun!
I didn’t know just how recentered I felt until I faced one of the scariest moments of my life. As I was headed back to the airport to catch a flight home, I discovered that a terrorist attack had occurred in the city I was flying out of and all planes were grounded indefinitely. You would expect panic to ensue, especially for an HSP who feels so deeply, but I surprised myself at how calmly I was able to make decisions.
Breaking the Sensitive Stereotype
Growing up in a chaotic household, normally a crisis would send my nervous system into a heightened state of anxiety, feeling frantic and worried about picking up the pieces. But after devoting the previous few weeks to soothing practices and a simple routine, I felt focused and clear headed but not detached. Fear and uncertainty were still present, but did not hijack my ability to take care of myself in that moment. Still to this day, I reference this experience as what’s possible for a well-resourced highly sensitive person.
Being calm under pressure contradicts the stereotype of what “sensitivity” is portrayed as - the person who is emotionally fragile, constantly anxious or irritable, and reclusive. You would actually be surprised to discover some of the most successful, well-adjusted people you know have the trait of high sensitivity and that some of the stereotypically sensitive folks actually do not.
Building Emotional Resilience
According to a 2021 research study, being more aware of subtleties leads to higher levels of emotional resilience and counteracts the effects of feeling difficult emotions more intensely. This research builds on the concept of differential susceptibility, which is just a fancy way to say that highly sensitive people are more impacted by both negative AND positive experiences more than non-HSPs.
This is exactly why I felt more adaptable after an extended yoga retreat and was able to effectively manage my fears. It makes sense that noticing the little details helps you soak up the good like a sponge and recover more quickly, filling up your reserve of positive emotions that you can use to bolster you against stressful situations.
Bolstered By Positive Supports
When I left the retreat center only to realize that I couldn’t get home as planned, I had a full tank of positive experiences easily at my disposal. I used that fuel to find a safe place to stay for a few days and call the airline to rebook my flight. I ended up having a great time relaxing on the beach and even met some new friends. You might expect an HSP to crumble into an anxious mess during a time like this, but I had the opposite experience.
While I haven’t been in this type of situation since, I’ve certainly gone through my fair share of stressful experiences - losing loved ones, navigating estrangement from family members, moving across the country, and on and on. I’ve surprised myself again and again with my level of resilience.
A Little Goes a Long Way
You don’t need to go on a retreat or live an easy life to access your own sensitive resilience. All it takes is carving out a little space to take care of yourself and receiving support from the people in your life (family, friends, therapist) when it’s available. Remember, when you notice the subtle and feel everything deeply, a little goes a long way. Here are just a few ideas to get you started…
When you’re on your evening walk, stop to notice the flowers or feel the breeze on your face
Slowly sip your morning coffee as you stare out the window and watch the birds playing
Spend a few moments replaying the best parts of your day before falling asleep
Get lost in the aisles of your favorite bookstore or take yourself on a solo date to the movies
Treat yourself to takeout at your favorite restaurant after the work week is done
Allow yourself to sleep in as late as you want on the weekends
Play your favorite song and have a spontaneous dance party in your kitchen
Have there been times in your life where you surprised yourself with your level of resilience in navigating something stressful? How can you weave in more small moments of joy to cultivate more resilience and fill your tank of positive experiences?
In my new book, Big Feelings, Big Joy, you’ll learn:
how to reclaim your sensitivity as a gift
feel more resilient and focused
live a fulfilling life without all the overwhelm
