Reclaiming Space to Reset When You’ve Been Tethered to Overwhelm For Too Long
Roaming the aisles of the public library on a Friday afternoon, I felt a familiar feeling wash over me - a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. For the past year I had been living with the constant hum of writing deadlines in the back of my mind. Even on my days off, even when I wasn’t at my computer, I was constantly thinking about book ideas or rewriting sections in my mind. But on this day, the Friday after I turned in my first draft to my editor, I could lose all track of time. For the first time in a long time, I had zero obligations - at least for a few days.
That familiar feeling of freedom I tapped into at the library brought me back to the summer days when I was a teenager. On my days off from my summer job, I loved stumbling upon a book at the library and then spending all my free time reading on the couch or at the beach. This was pre-smart phones so I had nothing stopping me from getting lost in my imagination, untethered to the outside world for a day or two, and no phone to distract me.
Unencumbered by Life’s Demands
Of course these windows of being unencumbered by life’s demands don’t last long, do they? Sometimes they are as short as a few hours and when you’re really lucky, you might get a few days or weeks. However long the free time lasts, as highly sensitive people you absolutely must take advantage of the chance to reset. To unhook from everything that you normally carry around with you. Unhook from your own worries to other people’s emotional struggles that you feel compelled to help with to the reverberations of so many overstimulating moments - the noisy open office we work in, kids running around the house, and constant pinging of email or phone notifications.
It’s easiest to skip the short moments of reprieve, thinking it’s not enough time to do anything meaningful or substantial. It’s not long enough to truly rest. Instead of taking five minutes to go outside to sit in the sun or do a few stretches, you grab your phone to answer a text or scroll social media. Instead of taking the day to lose yourself in your favorite hobby or take yourself to your favorite place, you catch up on laundry or organize the junk drawer. We all do it! Instead of emptying your mind and resetting your nervous system for a few minutes, you add more. There always seems to be something to do or someone to see - at least that’s what we tell ourselves.
Creating a New Normal of Calm
Your nervous system wants to maintain a homeostasis, even if your norm is frenetic and overstimulated. In an effort to keep up with the non-HSPs in your life and to get everything done, you become tethered to overwhelm, even when you don’t have to be. You believe that your worth is tied up in productivity and showing up at all costs to yourself. That’s why this Friday at the library was such a wakeup call of my need to do nothing productive, to not have anything to mentally prepare for or process at length afterward. To just go with the flow of how I felt in the moment. I literally browsed the cookbook section for an hour, just casually flipping through the pages without any care in the world.
If you’re tethered to overwhelm and not taking time to reset when you need to, start slow and work with the time that you have available:
5-10 Minutes: clear your head by staring out the window and letting your mind wander freely or go on a quick walk around the block
15-30 Minutes: unwind by reading a chapter of your new book or doing a guided meditation
30-60 Minutes: move your body with an online yoga/workout class or take your dog on a leisurely walk to the park
A Few Hours: catch up on rest with an afternoon nap or long bath before bed
A Few Days: reset with a weekend getaway to a retreat center or plan out a staycation at home where you get to do all your favorite things
When you have the time to reset but guilt tries to convince you that slowing down is lazy or that you should be doing something else instead, remind yourself that:
Resting is essential for everyone, but as a highly sensitive person, you will often need more downtime because you are easily overstimulated by everything you notice and feel.
You are choosing rest in response to engagement, work, and supporting others. You truly need to slow down and recharge. It’s not a luxury or an indulgence.
The next time you find yourself with a small (or large) window of time to yourself - enjoying a quiet weekend, being home alone while the kids are at school, or taking 15 minutes after work to decompress before going home - what do you want to do for yourself? What would help you feel a sense of freedom and ease, even if just for a few moments?
