10 Reasons Why Being a Late Bloomer Is Actually a Gift in Disguise
One week from now, I’ll celebrate my 40th birthday. As you can imagine, this milestone event in my life has sent me into existential processing mode. What does it mean to be 40? Am I on track for what I want my life to be? Will anything change now that I’m in my 40s? As I look ahead to what’s next and try to figure out the significance of this new age, I’ve also been reflecting back on the previous decades of my life and what each one meant to me.
Although each chapter had a different focus and was impactful in its own way, getting me a little closer to where I am now, there’s been a consistent thread throughout. The one theme that has persisted with each decade from my teens to 20s to 30s is a sense of feeling behind where I’m “supposed” to be. You know the drill - finish high school, graduate college, start your career, get married, buy a house, have children. I still haven’t checked off some of those and at least with having kids - never will. Like many highly sensitive people, I have always been a late bloomer and it has taken me longer to hit almost every major milestone.
Falling Behind Isn’t Failing
Feeling behind used to be very difficult for me to accept, especially as a perfectionist. In some ways I felt ashamed, like I was failing at life. In school, I always had stellar grades but in real life, I was struggling - or so I thought. Inside I kept telling myself to catch up and to be different, but pushing myself only filled me with anxiety. I wasn’t ready, I felt uncertain about what was next. There was also an underlying feeling of grief that I had lost a lot of time and I was scared I wouldn’t catch up. As the existential HSP that I am, you can imagine how much this weighed on my mind.
Immersing in the grief and self-critical thoughts, I was actually selling myself short and not giving credit for all the experiencing, processing, reflecting, preparing, and healing I was getting done! For example, I didn’t decide to become a therapist until 10 years after I graduated from college with a completely different undergraduate degree which I wasn’t using, but the timing couldn’t have been better! By the time I went back to grad school, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted because I had time to do my own healing work. I quickly started a private practice, then a consulting business, and right after that started publishing books. Although I got started later than I could have and didn’t try out a bunch of jobs along the way, everything just flowed once I made my decision.
Slower Decisions Bring More Clarity
All those years, I wasn’t just treading water and losing time, I was gathering data about myself to make a well-informed decision. I was figuring out what would be deeply meaningful and fulfilling work - for me. It was one of many incubation periods where I took my time to figure things out before I made any decisions. Perhaps you have your own version of this story?
Fellow HSPs shared their benefits of hitting milestones at your own pace and why being a late bloomer is actually a gift:
Having enough time to really understand what I need and want.
Actions feel more authentic and aligned.
More maturity, wisdom, patience, and clarity when making big decisions.
Not being on anyone else’s timeline is liberating and gives me confidence.
Learned to trust myself and listen to my instincts versus outward expectations.
Not settling, but waiting for the right partner who loves and understands me.
Not as many heartbreaks on the path to meeting my spouse.
Time to know and heal myself through therapy before starting a family.
Learned so much by watching friends go through experiences before me.
Gained self-acceptance to make choices that align with my needs.
Quality Over Quantity
Being someone born with the trait of high sensitivity means you are wired to pause and observe before acting. This is how your brain works! As Dr. Elaine Aron, the founder of the trait, says - HSPs “do it once and do it right”. You may take fewer chances, wait longer to make big decisions, or hit those milestones later, but your actions will be well thought out with fewer mistakes. The HSP approach to life is definitely quality over quantity.
You may start your relationships later, take longer to find your career, have kids at a later age (if at all), or cross any one of life’s many milestones at a different time than expected, but those decisions will be more intentional and impactful. You will move more slowly and methodically through your life, but that doesn’t equate to a less fulfilling or accomplished life. It’s just the opposite actually - you will appreciate all the little things and savor the moments of your life in a way someone who isn’t highly sensitive won’t be able to.
Having your own timeline as a highly sensitive person is something to be embraced, savored, and appreciated. Many times it’s actually a gift in disguise! Can you allow yourself to let go of the expectations from others and follow your own rhythm instead? It’s your life, you should get to choose what pace you want to move through it.
